My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
