would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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