I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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