Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
