kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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