I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
