Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
