Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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