is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
