3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
