Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
