i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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