so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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