I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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