This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
