Do you still have your period?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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