sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had to cum in my sink.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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