you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
