Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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