we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
