Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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