Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
