i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
