all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
