Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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