I think my fart just growled at me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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