dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
