Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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