dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
