I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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