I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
