Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
