The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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