so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
