I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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