So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
