Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize