who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
