i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
