is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
