I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
