I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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