lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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