Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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