Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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