I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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