My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
