Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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