As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
