a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
