I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
