Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
