drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
