Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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