Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
