No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
