it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
