mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize