I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
