his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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