I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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