Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
