I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
