Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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