did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
