her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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