your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
