my phone needs a breathalizer
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
