we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
