Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
