are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
as a side note pls kill me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
