After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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