Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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