I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
