I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
