If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
