nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
