DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
