So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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