fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They took my balls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
