im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
