I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
