Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
