Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
