You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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