when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
