Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The uberlube is also flammable
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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