he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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