I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
