Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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