That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This is classic penis vs brain.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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