Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
