Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
