this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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