Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're a waste of cheezeits
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
