I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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