I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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