I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
