I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
