everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
True strength comes from lack of pants
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
