They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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