I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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