Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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