Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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