We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
