I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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