shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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