my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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