i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
