dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
