Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
